What’s in Your Pouch?

It’s renfaire season again. (Pause for cries of “Nerrrrrds!” and “Huzzah!”) If your home fair is as mine, they issue instructions to “prepare thyself for merriment!” But the promotional materials I’ve seen have been a little sparse on the topic of what exactly that preparation entails. Lack of sufficient preparation for merriment is indeed a common and heartbreaking problem.

If you’ve always wanted to know what an experienced fair-goer might carry in that odd little leather pouch on his belt, the mystery will be revealed after the jump.

Renfair essentials
It's dangerous to go alone! Take this.

Pictured to the right is my loadout for Saturday, October 10 — the opening day of the Texas Renaissance Festival (warning: linked page auto-plays sound).

IMHO

What to pack is a matter of opinion and debate; ask ten different patrons and you’ll get at least that many answers back. I adapt what I carry from day to day, based on the fair I’m attending, the weather, who’s in my company and what I intend to do.

So this isn’t dogma, but it is a starting point for the newcomer (and probably an invitation to heated debate with the old hands). The one lesson that I took the longest to learn is: don’t overpack. For every item, ask: “Do I really need this on my person (as opposed to in my car)? Have I used this in the past? Is it worth the size and weight? Are there alternatives?”

>inventory

printed schedule (upper left)

If you want to see a show, it helps to know where to be and when. The official solution to this problem (at TRF, anyway) involves paying a fiver for a bulky souvenir program that is mostly advertising. (Pro tip: if you want one, just wait until the middle of the day and check around the seats right after a big show lets out. There is always someone who forgets theirs, can’t be bothered to carry it any longer, is too drunk to care, or some combination of these.)

The TRF web site (which has been aptly described as “a pile of flash and ass, and they ran out of flash halfway through”) does indeed have an online version of the entertainment schedule (warning: linked page auto-plays sound). Unfortunately, not only is it a big bitmap image (thereby making it hard to print, search or re-mix) but it is rendered as part of a big flash animation — making it impossible to view on devices like smart phones and MIDs, precisely where it’d be most useful.

So, I took ten minutes and typed it in to the OpenOffice spreadsheet program, and printed out a no-nonsense black-on-white text version on a single sheet of laser-printed letter-size paper. I chose to print mine as all shows, all stages, sorted by time. This is good for the common problem of “it’s time X, now what do I want to see next?” but not so good for “I want to see act Y, now when and where is their next show?” I should probably print it double-sided, with one side as now and the other, sorted by performer.

Leatherman Micra (upper row, second from left)

I carry the Micra Keychain Multi-Tool by Leatherman. This little folding goodie has a very sharp utility knife, scissors, tweezers, a couple of small screwdrivers and a ruler. At 51 grams, this is a questionable addition, but it’s earned its keep over the years.

Fisher space pen (upper row, second from right)

This is the “Black Stowaway” model. Another item that seems hard to justify, but which has proven useful frequently enough to earn a place. It’s under 11cm, very skinny and light and always writes on the first try. I seem to spend a lot of time at fair signing credit card slips, for some strange reason, and the overall merchant success rate at having a pen that 1) they can find and 2) writes seems to be around 60%.

There have also been a number of times when I’ve needed to make a note of something (like where another fair-goer got a particularly nice bit of garb), and carrying a pen is good insurance. (I’ve never had any problem finding a scrap of paper.)

wad of cash money (upper right)

Any renaissance fair is a mighty engine, turning ceaselessly with the single purpose of separating your from your dosh. If you resist, will you save money? No. No you will not. You will experience only extra walking and $3.00 ATM fees and shame. Bring money. It doesn’t spoil. Figure out how much you think you’ll need, then double it.

At a big fair like TRF, most of the merchants who sell durable goods (and nearly all of those who sell big, expensive things) do take credit cards. However, sellers of food and drink do not. Tipping performers and musicians — which you should absolutely do, unless you want to spend your next life as a tapeworm — requires cash, and small bills at that.

Even at a shop that takes credit cards, it’s worth considering the cash option, especially if your purchase is small relative to your remaining pile of money. You’ll save time and hassle, but there may be more tangible benefits too. Credit card processors charge the merchant a fee, typically a few percent of the value of the transaction. If you pay cash, then from the merchant’s perspective you’re paying more. While credit card companies frown on announced discounts for cash, it isn’t uncommon to be offered a small gift item or “I’ll pay the tax” when you pay in cash.

clock (lower left)

If you want to meet someone, or catch a show, you need to know what time it is. And, I have never ever spent a day at fair without having at least two people (not counting the ones I know) ask me for the time. The only clocks about are in shops that sell clocks, and those are generally not set to anything remotely close to the right time. Bring a way to tell time.

The timepiece I carry is not unlike the Hogwild Zipper Pull Watch and Light. It shows the time without pushing any buttons or opening lids. It’s small, light, cheap and waterproof. The “light” part isn’t really a whole lot of use; though my home fair doesn’t close until well after dark, there’s no shortage of artificial light. Since I haven’t found a better option without a light, I’m not complaining.

I do own a small astrolabe, and with a running start and clear sky, I can tell the time to within a few minutes. But doing this takes me about 20 seconds, and it doesn’t work when it’s cloudy. It’s fun and showy, and no doubt more authentic, but I still carry the digital watch.

Be sure to pick up a replacement battery in the weeks leading up to the start of the season. The morning before as you’re getting ready is not the time to find out your clock has gone dead. Also, set it to a synchronized time source the night before. Cheap digital watches do not keep good time month to month, especially when they’re out in the weather.

ticket (lower row, second from left)

Being able to get in the gate is an important part of a fully-integrated renaissance fair experience. They do sell tickets at the gate, but getting them in advance saves money.

pill box (lower row, second from right)

Alas for me, fair season coincides with allergy season. Grass and tree pollen and mold spores and ‘od’s blood, my nose is running again? / Sing hey nonny nonny, hey nonny no.

Some OTC painkillers are a good idea if you’re (how does one say?) not inclined to a whole lot of physical activity normally. You’ll be sore. Advil liqui-gels are nice.

Let’s just call this a placeholder for the concept “if you might need medicine, then the path of wisdom is to bring some”.

driver’s license (lower right, atop credit card)

Having some kind of state-issued picture ID is a good idea for all the usual reasons. Remember you’re not going to be buying anything with a credit card or enjoying a refreshing adult beverage without one.

credit card (lower right, beneath driver’s license)

Visa or MasterCard is the usual rule. A few shops take Discover. Just about nobody takes Amex. As usual, this has to do with merchant fees.

Make sure you have a copy of your credit card information (card number, expiration date, CVV2, issuing bank and issuer phone number) someplace safe (like your house). It isn’t unheard-of to lose a card at fair, and you’ll want to call fraud prevention and get it shut down fast if that happens.

Check that the card is active and has plenty of headroom left a few days before the fair. If your card issuer is particularly paranoid about fraud prevention, you might want to give them a call and warn them that they’re about to see a bunch of charges from all over. (When you pay with a card at fair, the charge generally originates from the merchant’s home address or permanent shop — which could be anywhere, really.)

What I Don’t Carry

First and foremost: a cell phone. I don’t carry one any other time either, but if I did, it still would not go with me to fair. No. Simply no. I have not the words. Fair is an explicit, deliberate decision to step outside of the mundane world and indulge a fantasy for a day. Having a cell phone glued to one’s ear is antithetical to that. If you have to carry a phone: you don’t, actually. If you think you do, then please be considerate. If you’re enjoying a musical performance of the quiet and intimate sort, that means use vibrate mode instead of a hip-hop ringtone and leave the vicinity to have your vitally important shouty conversation about who was a total bitch on American Idol. Bless.

Stuff that isn’t waterproof is another category to avoid if you can. Fair goes on, rain or shine. If it rains, you may get wet. Indeed, some of the best moments I’ve ever had at fair have involved playing in the rain and getting soaked to the skin. Not carrying things that will be wrecked by water means less to worry about. (I’ll make an exception for a digital camera if the weather is fine.) Remember that inkjet-printed things will run in the wet. If you are printing out a schedule, use a laser printer.

Keys are another thing I try to avoid carrying. If I’m by myself, then I probably need a car key. But my house key (or hotel key) can stay in the car (well-hidden). There’s no reason for keys to anything else to be along on the trip at all. This falls under the general heading of “if you bring it to fair, have a contingency plan for what to do if you should lose it” (not to mention “don’t take avoidable risks that don’t have a corresponding reward”).

Update: Carrying a checkbook is, with rare exceptions, a liability I do not want. Every check has your bank account number on it, and a lost checkbook is a much bigger liability than a lost credit card. (Debit cards are closer to checks on the “bad guys can clean out your account and you’ll never recover the money” scale. I don’t carry debit cards or ATM cards either.) While some merchants accept checks, I wouldn’t say they’re terribly enthusiastic about it as a general rule. (If you are making a big purchase from someone you know well, they may appreciate a check as opposed to a credit card and the fees associated therewith.)

I evaluate everything I carry on a weight/bulk vs. utility basis. (Keep in mind that in the context of a renaissance fair, a stylin’ fashion accessory can be considered to have extremely high utility.) Big piles of coins don’t earn a very good score on this scale. (Now, a friend of mine is known to carry a leather pouch full of Sacagawea golden dollar coins, which he uses for tips and food/drink. This is a good shtick, and he gets to play the noble with a purse of gold coins. Not something I care to emulate.)

The “Maybe” List

If you wear contacts, you might want re-wetting drops depending on the weather. (If it’s your inaugural fair experience, take some. Also, make sure you have regular eyeglasses in the car. Your lenses might get messed up to the point where they need to come out now, and you’ll need a way to drive home.)

If you suffer from persistent sniffles, a pocket-size packet of tissues can make you a much happier camper. Very bulky but if you need it, you need it.

Depending on the nature of the facilities at your fair, a tiny bottle of alcohol-gel hand sanitizer might be something to consider. TRF does a good job of making soap and running water available to patrons, and regular hand-washing is more effective if you can get it.  The renaissance fair experience includes levels of filth which, while far short of being authentic, are still surprising to the sanitized modern middle classes. If it worries you, I’d point out that renaissance fair does not seem to have any kind of widespread contagion analogous to “con crud”. Hygiene is a good thing, but the human organism is adapted to cope with a certain amount of mud and dust.

I often but not always carry a camera of the small digital variety. Renaissance fair is an incredibly target-rich environment for photographers, even the amateur kind. The camera has a number of drawbacks: heavy, bulky, expensive, delicate and easily wrecked by water. When I do carry the camera, I usually give it its own pouch so I can get to it quickly at need.

By dhenke

Email: dhenke@mythopoeic.org

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